Growing Up Without a Chinese Heritage66

In the tapestry of my childhood, Chinese culture was a thread that was conspicuously absent. I grew up in a predominantly white suburban neighborhood, where the only exposure I had to anything remotely Chinese was the occasional fortune cookie or Chinese takeout. My parents, both immigrants from China, had chosen to leave their homeland behind in pursuit of a better life in America. In doing so, they had also made the difficult decision to shield me from the cultural heritage they had left behind.

While I understood their reasoning—they wanted me to assimilate seamlessly into my new environment and avoid the potential prejudice that could come with being visibly different—I couldn't help but feel a sense of loss. I longed to connect with the culture of my ancestors, to know where I came from and to understand the traditions that had shaped the people who had come before me.

As I got older, this longing only grew stronger. I began to seek out ways to learn about Chinese culture on my own. I read books, watched documentaries, and even started taking Mandarin lessons. But no matter how much I learned, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was an outsider looking in. I lacked the lived experience, the deep-seated connection to the culture that only comes from being immersed in it from birth.

The absence of Chinese culture in my upbringing had other consequences as well. I struggled to identify with my Asian-American peers, who seemed to have a much stronger sense of their cultural heritage than I did. I felt like I was perpetually caught between two worlds, never fully belonging to either one.

It wasn't until I went to college that I finally began to embrace my Chinese heritage. I joined the Chinese Students and Scholars Association and met other students who shared my experiences. I learned about Chinese history, philosophy, and art. I even spent a semester studying abroad in China. For the first time, I felt a sense of belonging to a community that understood me and my unique perspective.

Returning to the United States after my time in China was a bittersweet experience. I was grateful for the opportunity to have immersed myself in my culture, but I also realized that I would never be able to fully reclaim the heritage I had missed out on as a child. Still, I am determined to continue learning about and celebrating Chinese culture, both for myself and for my children. I want them to know where they come from and to be proud of their Chinese heritage, even if it is something they did not grow up with.

Growing up without a Chinese culture was a challenge, but it has also been a source of strength and resilience. It has taught me the importance of embracing my unique identity and finding my own path to belonging. And while I may never be able to fully make up for the missed cultural experiences of my childhood, I am committed to passing on the traditions and values of my ancestors to my children. In this way, I hope to bridge the gap between the past and the present, and to ensure that the thread of Chinese culture continues to run through the tapestry of our family's history.

2025-02-21

Previous：How to Pronounce Chinese Culture

Next：Meet Tencent Ma, the Godfather of Chinese Tech and Culture